To The Non Jews From The Guild Of Jewish Mothers About The Upcoming Holidays

Well folks it's that September time of the year again and beginning Sunday night with Rosh HaShanah (Translated as Head of the Year) there are seven days we cannot work in a twenty-two day period.

Many in "our tribe" will be away from our computers for two and a half days Sunday night, all day Monday and Tuesday until an hour after sundown.

Along with being the celebration of the Jewish New Year and the creation of the world by God, Rosh Hashanah begins the Yamim Noraim, the ten days of awe (that's awe as in being God's presence, not awwwww as in what you say when seeing an ugly baby but you don't want to insult the infant's grandparents who are showing you pictures while you are trying to pray during the High Holiday services).

The ten days between the first day of Rosh Hashanah ending with the final blowing of the Shofar ending Yom Kippur is a time for serious introspection, a time to consider the sins of the previous year and atone for our wrongs.

Now while we are gone, allow me to remind you that we've built a nice little internet here, so please behave yourselves while we are gone.  A few rules to consider:

• Don't talk about us while we're gone. You know that stereotype about the Jews owning all the bank?  That means with one phone call any of us can shut down your cash card and empty your bank account. 

• Don't make a mess of the place, the cleaning lady was just here.

•  No guests while we're gone. We've marked the liquor we know how much is in every bottle.  Remember, we can treat you like adults or we can treat you like kids...the choice is yours.

•  We left some brisket and kugle in the fridge in case you get hungry. 

• If you eat the brisket and/or kugle please remember not to go swimming for at least an hour.

• And for God's Sake!!! Please put the brisket and/or kugle back in the fridge when you are done eating. Brisket makes great leftovers don't spoil it for the rest of us.

• Please stop slouching. 

•  Don't run with scissors!

• We left the phone number of where we'll be on the side of the fridge. 

 Oh and one more thing...summer is over put on a sweater and a hat.

Thank you for understanding.

And to all my friends, Jew or Gentile

"L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem!"

May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year.