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Saturday, August 11, 2007

If I Was a Terrorist this is what I'd do

The New York Times has created a big stir by publishing a piece on its web site called:

If You Were a Terrorist, How Would You Attack?

The TSA recently announced that most airplane carry-on restrictions will stay in place for at least another year, until new X-ray technology has been fully installed. Surprisingly, one item that will now be permitted on board is a lighter. While it seems crazy to keep people from bringing toothpaste, deodorant, or water on a plane, it doesn’t seem so strange to ban lighters, which could be used to start fires. I wonder whether the lighter manufacturers were lobbying for or against this rule change — on the one hand, having 22,000 lighters confiscated per day would seem good for business; but on the other hand, maybe fewer people will buy lighters if they can’t travel with them.

Hearing about these rules got me thinking about what I would do to maximize terror if I were a terrorist with limited resources. I’d start by thinking about what really inspires fear. One thing that scares people is the thought that they could be a victim of an attack. With that in mind, I’d want to do something that everybody thinks might be directed at them, even if the individual probability of harm is very low. Humans tend to overestimate small probabilities, so the fear generated by an act of terrorism is greatly disproportionate to the actual risk.

Also, I’d want to create the feeling that an army of terrorists exists, which I’d accomplish by pulling off multiple attacks at once, and then following them up with more shortly thereafter.

Third, unless terrorists always insist on suicide missions (which I can’t imagine they would), it would be optimal to hatch a plan in which your terrorists aren’t killed or caught in the act, if possible.

Fourth, I think it makes sense to try to stop commerce, since a commerce breakdown gives people more free time to think about how scared they are.

Fifth, if you really want to impose pain on the U.S., the act has to be something that prompts the government to pass a bundle of very costly laws that stay in place long after they have served their purpose (assuming they had a purpose in the first place).

The post goes on to ask readers to send in their best plans for a terrorist attack. Some commentators felt the NY Times had finally gone too far.Why does the NY Times need to give the Islamic terrorists ideas on how to attack us. To those Critics I say Poo---poo!

The NY Times is just being patriotic, If they could just get at some of the really good attack ideas, law enforcement would know what to look for. Not only that, but with all the years of leaking US Secrets, maybe the Times is trying to leak the bad guys stuff for a change.

Since I am a patriotic citizen, I too have decided to participate in this task, Here is a list if what I would do if I was a terrorist, what would be the attacks that would really strike fear in the hearts of the US and ruin our economy:

  • Mess up the commuter trains. Oh I am not talking about bombs and explosions that would just kill people. What I am suggesting would ensure that people would be too frightened to ever take a train again. The invasion of the fat droolers and the ladies who baste themselves in perfume. Its every commuter's nightmare, sitting next to a fat guy on the train who sleeps, snores, rests his head on your shoulder and drools on you for the entire trip to work. The only thing almost as bad is the lady who wears so much perfume that you spend your trip to work holding your breath so you don't have to inhale any more of that pungent odor. If al Queda unleashed an army of these people no one would ever take a train again.
  • Old people in the left lane of an interstate highway going 20 miles an hour. Think of it, an army of grey haired old ladies driving their 67 Ramblers in the left lane of the Long Island Expressway going 20 miles an hour in a 55 MPH lane and their blinkers indicating a non-existent left turn. Think of the anger of the people behind them, the yelling and screaming--the frustration! Do you realize how many heart attacks that would cause--traffic accidents? What a wicked plot! A similar idea would be to have moms and crying babies on the "red-eye, overnight flights -meant for sleeping.
  • Take over the Airwaves. We are not talking about piping in terrorist propaganda-- this plot would be much more evil. What if Al Queda took over all of the radio signals in the country? What if they played nothing but Sanjiah, Donnie and Marie, Abba and William Shatner singing "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds?" If that doesn't strike fear in the hears of man---nothing will.
  • Take over the NY Times--The Grey Lady, arguably the most recognized name in Journalism today. What if the Islamic terrorists took over the editorial board of the NY Freeking Times. Have them make all their editorial decisions based on what would hurt the war on terror the most. Lets face it people would go bonkers---Oh wait--scratch one would notice the difference.

  • Please sample one of the other recent YIDWITH Posts from the box below

My Friend the Bagel Blogger has created a great picture on his post about this story--swallow any food in your mouth (so you don't laugh it out of your nose) and click here.