Nancy Pelosi's Brand New Waterboarding Excuses

Each day, Nancy Pelosi provides a new excuse about when she found out about waterboarding. First she kind of knew about it, then she went into the full Sgt Schultz I knew nothing, followed by they told me about waterboarding but never said they used it, my aide went to a meeting but didn't tell me what happened and finally the CIA lied.

What is the next move of the self described, most powerful woman in the world? Is she backed against the wall, out of excuses? I had to find out.  So I figured this may be another job for my Cousin Ben the Spy,  Ben has never participated in waterboarding, but has been known to surf board at family gatherings on the west coast.

I asked Ben to find out what Ms Pelosi was going to do next, so he went to Phoenix where he found the speaker hiding out in the basement of one of her childrens' homes, sucking her thumb. Realizing that she was "out of it" Ben looked around the basement and found a document bearing the heading, "From The Desk of the Speaker." This was the list! Ben took a picture, emailed it and it is reproduced below:

From the Desk of the Speaker:

Waterboarding Excuses to use next:

• During the briefing she recieved in 2002, VP Cheney slipped some LSD in her coffee, she doesn't really know what was discussed.
  

•  Leon Panetta the head of the CIA is a master at cooking chicken fried steak, Pelosi didn't say the CIA lied, she said the CIA FRIED.

• Pelosi was so upset that Danny Gokey was voted off American Idol, she couldn't think straight at the press conference.
  

• The 1992 breifing was held the morning after "tasting day" at her family vineyard in St. Helena, California, lets face it the poor woman had a killer hangover.

• That wasn't really her at the press conference, Joe Biden took control of her mind (I understand it fit) Pelosi was in Biden's mind talking about Cheney's bunker.

•  APRIL FOOLS !!!!
  

• She meant to say that the CIA lied, Bush and the Republicans developed a system that changes her words after they leave her mouth and before they reach your ears.

•  Pelosi was light-headed at the time, she hadn't sucked the blood out of a living creature in days.

• OH LOOK, Something shiny. 
  

• Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans, Bush, Cheney, Rove, Republicans.