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Saturday, May 23, 2009

FINALLY!!!! A Perfect Solution to the Jerusalem Issue

Jerusalem is arguably the most difficult issue to solve in the ongoing Israel-Palestinian "peace" process. The Palestinians are demanding control of the holy city, the Temple Mount and the Kotel because they claim it is where Mohammad rose to heaven, which makes it the third holiest site in Islam. Of course, this is a very recent claim and there is nothing about Jerusalem in the Koran. Some people claim that the only reason that the Palestinians want Jerusalem is their continued attempt to delegitimize Judaism's historical claim to Israel.

For Jews, Jerusalem is the holy city, and the Temple Mount is the holiest site in all of Judaism. Not only did the Mount house the two Temples to God, it is where Abraham almost sacrificed Isaac and where Jacob had the dream of the ladder to Heaven. For two thousand years, Jews have prayed for a return to Jerusalem.

There are reports that the United States wants Israel to split Jerusalem with the Palestinians and give up sovereignty over the Temple Mount to the UN. This has raised the ire of the Jewish People. Polls have shown that the Israeli people are against dividing the Holy City, the majority of the Knesset is against it, protests and petitions have come from groups such as the OU and the ZOA.

Yet, the Palestinians claim that there can be no peace without handing over Jerusalem. What can Binyamin Netanyahu do to satisfy Israel, the Jewish People, and make peace with the terrorists at the same time?

Thankfully, I have a solution. Not only will it work, but I got the idea from an Iranian, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Remember last year when he suggested that we move Israel to Alaska? Well, we can do the same thing with Arab East Jerusalem - move it. And I am willing to give the Arabs a lot more options than Ahmadinejad gave the Jews. In fact, I have an entire list of cities that they can pick from to move East Jerusalem to:

  • Miami Beach, Florida: This one is a no-brainer, their third holiest city for our third holiest city (next to Jerusalem and Chevron). We will throw in the "early bird" special dinners and access to Miami's holiest site (the Fontainebleau Hotel).
  • Secaucus, New Jersey: Remember that old song "Raucus in Secaucus"? This site is perfect for them, and the best part of it is that no one in the United States will notice (except maybe New York Jet Fans, but with the way the team plays, trust me they would be much happier).
  • London, England: After all, they think Israel should be more flexible on Jerusalem; let's try and see how flexible the British can be. The good part of the solution is that Mahmoud Abbas' Fatah wouldn't have to set up satellite dishes for communications; they could use Prince Charles' ears.
  • Vatican City.  When the Pope visited Israel a few weeks ago, he called for a Palestinian state even before he said "Hello Thanks for having me" to the Israeli leaders. That's why I am sure he will go for this.  Besides, the Palestinian claim to Catholicism's Holy City is just as valid as their claim to Judaism's. The extra benefit of this solution is that it might help repair any remaining "bad vibes" between the Pope and Islam.
  • New York City: The "Worldwide Jewish Lobby" needs a vacation; let's let the Palestinians control the banks and media for a while.
  • Washington DC: This is probably the best solution of all. Think about it, we give away part of Washington and that will stop President Obama from coming up with any dhimmi solutions to the Middle East conflict. We know that House Speaker Pelosi would endorse this one; after all, she looked so go with her head covering when she visited Syria two years ago, and this will take the attention away from that nasty tiff she is having with the CIA.

I know that there will be protests to any of these solutions. Some may say: "How could you make up reasons to take away a city from a people who have an historic attachment, and give it to people who have no real claim to it?"

Well, let me answer those people like this:

I agree.

Maybe Mr.Bones Creator of Dry Bones put it best:

See more of Dry Bones Brilliant (Biting) Cartoons and Commentary at his site which you can get to by clicking here.


Carol_Herman said...


Experience is a good teacher! Back when Jimmy Carter was president, Begin got bamboozled. On the one hand there was the 'state dinner' ... and the thoughts that America had a president that liked the Jews.

This time around? Bibi knows first hand what happened to Begin. And, Shamir. (And, at least Shamir had the guts to stick his fingers into James Baker's eyes. How so? Every time Baker pushed his stink against Israel, Shamir built another "outpost." And, Arik Sharon at that time stood at the center of the stage.)

Then? Bibi gets to be prime minister. Off to the side, Bibi and Sharon are fighting for the PM's chair. Well? Life in politics isn't fair.

While separate from Monica, here in the USA, Bill Clinton began racing towards a Nobel. Couldn't pick his pants up fast enough from the floor, I guess?

But Bibi got yelled at! Bill Clinton stuck in an earful.

So, Bibi came to the USA to confront Obama. Who has already "run out of money." And, done nothing to help stabilize the economy.

Obama also uses a teleprompter. And, this has providing steaming vents; where people across this nation hold tea parties. And, have yet to think Obama is worthy of the phrase: "Good Job."

In other words? Obama is closer to what happened IN THE END to Jimmy Carter; than what the cards foretold back in 1977 or 1978. But ya know what? Jimmy Carter got butt kicked out of office!

The other thing I notice? Gee, it's sad that Mubarak lost his 12 year old grandson to an illness. But this is why he cancelled his visit to the white house? With this "big" Cairo speech coming down the pike?

You think Americans want to hear bad news?

You should know by now that Maliki trounced Dubya. And, that AMerica lost a lot in Irak. Won nothing at all. And, the Mideast disaster areas got worse. Want a hint? Things in Pakistan were better under Musharraf. But no. Dubya, playing with the Saud's, thought he could bring in Butto. Who had been in Riyadh for 8 years. And, when she got killed, her husband, who is thief in chief, "took control." And, America's dance card is now full. (4 FBI agents got killed in Pakistan. But the news dropped off the screen.) Europe. And, Greece, today. Are suffering from their immigrant Pakistani populations. Only Israel, and the KURDS, know that the muslems are up to no good.

Obama? I think his "big speech" turns off more Americans than not.

And, I think Bibi "went for broke" on his visit. And, DID NOT cave into the White House's demands.

Sure. This means Rahm Emanuel is kicking the furniture. And, like "O" has said, Rahm's not the guy who knows how to dad the word "day" to follow the word "mother."

God works in strange ways.

jdamn said...

That was awesome, Sammy. Of course, it couldn't be in Vatican City because Italy doesn't give Mohammedans citizenship as a matter of principle and it doesn't recognize Islam as a religion.

So maybe it's perfect, on second thought.

Anonymous said...

Great post!