BREAKING NEWS: David Axelrod is Revealed to Have Beastiality Problem

There is a dangerous trend moving through the top most ranks of the Obama administration, and no I am not talking about Socialism. Just because this progressive administration believes that government should control industry and our personal lives does not mean that our President is a socialist. And I am not talking about the rumor that the administration is trying to stifle first amendment speech. Just because they attack every broadcaster that disagrees with their agenda and threaten every business that points out a flaw in their legislation it does not mean that they are trying to stymie an open discussion of the issues. No this trend is much more nefarious than that.

Some of the President's closest advisers, have developed issues with...well beastiality. That's right, we have learned for example, that when David Axelrod leaves the White House every night, he finds time to stop at the Washington DC Zoo, and well, lets just say he accepts foreign donations.

I have been asked about these charges, specifically the New York Times looked into Axelrod's love life specifically and said that Axelrod is not putting any part of himself into foreign objects. He has been spending lots of time at the petting zoo, said the times but the only thing being stroked is his ego. There is no evidence says the Times, that David Axelrod has a "sheep" problem. Bob Schieffer of CBS News says that Axelrod's animal problem is just peanuts.

Hogwash I say, Hogwash!.  True there is no evidence that White House adviser is sleeping with sheep, but does anybody have evidence that he is not?  And as far as Mr. Schieffer's comment, sheep do not eat peanuts, Elephants do. The fact is that while Axelrod has asserted these rumors are not true, but the fact that he won't release any home videos of his sex life is at the core of the problem here.

What we’ve seen in part is because of a loophole in the press coverage, we  have seen thousands of hours of press reports filed this year and not one investigation, not one of David Axelrod's sex life. The media is keeping from the public, for example,  that the Presidential Adviser's favorite nursary rhymes are Mary Had a Little Lamb and Baa Baa Black Sheep)

By the way, there has also been rumors about Robert Gibbs and horses, but those rumors are incorrect, the Gibbs rumor started because someone misheard. He was simply being compared to a specific part of the horses anatomy.

Some of you have asked me, "Come on Jeff, even if you hate his politics, how could you make baseless charges against a public servant? How could you smear Axelrod's name like that?"


Folks, this isn't smearing anybody, this is learning from our great Commander-in-Chief. I have learned from our President that it is perfectly OK for a blogger to create baseless charges. Our President believes in equality for all and social justice (Axelrod does also). So if Think Progress can invent charges against the Chamber of Commerce and get extra traffic, so can I.  The President will just think of it as "Redistribution of Web Traffic."


Think about it as you watch this video from David Axelrod's Favorite Movie.

UPDATE: Others Have Heard The Same Rumor: Click Here to read