Not a Real News Network Anyway, MSNBC Announces Name and Format Change: Welcome to MPTV

As you probably know, many TV Networks revamp in January. MSNBC has planned a major overall to its lineup.

Faced with years of disaster-level ratings, MSNBC has announced it will change its name to MPTV, Microsoft Progressive Television (the Microsoft name was kept because, well you don’t want to upset Microsoft).  Along with the name change is a more family friendly TV lineup.

For example in the late morning there will be a block of game shows, the most promising of which is based on the health care bill and called Take the Money or Let Granny Die. Contestants will be offered the chance to guarantee the funds of their social security retirement plans if they agree to withhold expensive medical treatment from an aging grandparent or other elderly relative.

Another daytime show is designed to compete with programs like The People’s Court; it’s called Arrest President Bush, every day a regular person gets to charge former President Bush or someone from his administration with a crime.  The first episode deals with something that progressives have been mourning about for ten years.  The episode’s called, “He Stole the 2000 Election.”

The dinnertime lineup includes a remake of an old Art Linkletter show; it’s called Republicans Say the Darndest Things. Each show will feature guests from Media Matters and Daily Kos who will take comments made by Republicans and tell everyone what they really mean.  For example according the show, when a Republican says” let’s cut the size of the federal government,” he is really saying “I despise all minorities”

Not wanting to give up on one of its most valuable assets, the former MSNBC found the perfect show for its political reporter Pat Buchanan. It’s called, “The Jews Did It.” This is right in Buchanan’s wheel house. A documentary series this show will detail all of the things that Buchanan blames on the Jews, from the Iraq War and the bursting of the Housing Bubble to the L.A. Lakers’ loss in the last NBA Championship and the cancellation of Law and Order.

Made Just for MPTV is a new version of the popular CSI series, Called CSI Small Town, it follows a crime scene investigation team as they work in small Red State towns. Well at least what matches their vision of Red State towns. Follow these investigators as the search for answers in towns where everyone sits on their front porches clinging to their guns and religion. According to the Progressive TV writers, making their job even more difficult is that they can’t do DNA tests or examine dental records because these former MSNBC writers believe that in these small red state towns everybody has the same DNA and no one has any teeth.

There are even Sitcoms on this new version of MSNBC.  My favorite is called Everybody Hates Keith. Follow the comedic exploits of arrogant superstar Keith Olbermann as he goes through the day realizing that his opponents hate him, but not understanding that his “friends,” co-workers, family and even his parish priest despise the very sight of him.

Perhaps the number one upcoming television program on MPTV will be broadcast in early November. It’s called Election Results. On this show we find out which party will be in control of Congress. Will the people understand that the Democratic Party knows what is good for them or will they vote GOP? Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann will star in this special as they make up excuses about why the American voter has handed major losses to the Progressive Democratic Party. Look for exclusive segments on the racism of Middle America and why Americans are stupid.

To those of you who will complain about the loss of the ideological point of view of MSNBC I say rubbish. MPTV, the new MSNBC will be broadcasting the same progressive propaganda as the old news network; the only differences now are that it cuts out the pretense of being fair and puts the selling of the progressive agenda into a more entertaining package. Fun for the whole family!