EPA Asks Employees: Please Stop Crapping In The Hallways (You Can't Make This Up!)

The following story is REAL. It is beyond my warped mind to possibly make up!

I have never been a fan of the EPA, but this is a new low.  Government Executive Magazine got a hold of a memo sent to Region 8 (Denver CO.) of the EPA by its management. The letter begs them to please stop their inappropriate bathroom behavior, including defecating in the hallway.

In the email, obtained by Government Executive, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor mentioned “several incidents” in the building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway” outside the restroom.

Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management “consulted” with workplace violence “national expert” John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was “very dangerous” and the individuals responsible would “probably escalate” their actions.

“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,” Cantor wrote. He asked for any employees with knowledge of the poop bandit or bandits to notify their supervisor.

EPA spokesman Richard Mylott provided the following statement:

“EPA cannot comment on ongoing personnel matters. EPA’s actions in response to recent workplace issues have been deliberate and have focused on ensuring a safe work environment for our employees. Our brief consultation with Dr. Nicoletti on this matter, a resource who regularly provides our office with training and expertise on workplace issues, reflects our commitment to securing a safe workplace.”

Besides the obvious (this being both disgusting and funny at the same time) this is the EPA--The Environmental Protection Agency, wouldn't they realize that taking a dump in the middle of the hallway is bad for their environment?  This is one more indication that the federal government, along with our hard earned money taken as taxes, have no regard for our property.