I used to be a huge baby about my birthday--it had to be my day and my day only. For example even though my niece's birthday is July 6th, and my daughter's the 5th, at my insistence family celebrations were on three different days (because I didn't want to share my day-- the 8th). My brother still insists the reason I broke up with a former girlfriend was because her birthday was the 7th (not true--OK maybe a little true).
Over the past few years I went to the other extreme, not caring about my birthday at all. Perhaps it was because of my previous place of employment.
When I worked at PGA Media, they a birthday party for each employee. My direct boss was very passive-aggressive. She made me so miserable that I didn't want her to soil my big day. In fact I used to beg our office manager to keep the day a secret. She had the responsibility of telling management who's day was coming up.
My last year at that company Peg and I managed to keep July 8th day private for an entire month. In mid-August (three weeks before I was let go) management discovered my secret. Peggy and I were both scolded and I was given a party whether I liked it or not. Trying to show the world how nice they were, I received a "nice" presents. A windbreaker jacket 4 sizes too small and a set of dessert bowls. Dessert Bowls???? Why didn't they just take their cue from Alec Baldwin's famous speech in Glengarry Glen Ross and give me steak knives?
And then a few years later when I had moved to Athlon Sports Magazine, and had been there for over two years, they hired Ms. Passive Aggressive to run the company...I was let go her first day before she showed up at work. Didn't even have the guts to say hello.
I guess it was a good thing, because it motivated me to change careers and write full time. Now at home my wife insists on a special meal with her and the kids and cards, and I insist on Ice Cream Cake so I guess we've settled into a nice in-between the birthday love and hate.
As I do every year around my birthday I have reflecting on my years on this earth to see what I have learned so far and put them into a list I wanted to share
Things I learned on my 58th Birthday:
- I am a jinx for websites owned by David Horowitz, when I worked for Newsreel he killed the site, and in first quarter year he cleaned house at (including me) at TruthRevolt.
- My arms are shrinking--even though I move reading material as far away as possible it is still difficult to read. It must be that my arms are shrinking and I cant hold papers as far away as I used to.
- My ears are playing tricks on me--I hear sounds-- not ringing or anything like that, but every time I move there is cracking coming from the moving joint. There must be some sort of aural-cartilage connection.
- Medicine---you know how airplanes have a 50 pound limit on luggage? This morning as I gave myself my daily shot, and took my AM pills it became very clear that on my next excursion that limit will be passed with my medicine alone.
- Naps- Are very much wasted on the young.
- Doctors---like any Jewish boy who did not go into medicine, I disappointed my parents with my career choice. My trips to different doctors are so frequent I believe I could pass the medical exams just through what I learned via osmosis.
- Girls--When I was younger I enjoyed looking at magazines showing scantily-clad or even naked women. The other day I found myself thumbing though a copy of Maxim. All I could think of was how creepy I felt--my daughter is older than most of those girls. Do their fathers know how they were posing?
- Coolness--I never really ran with the cool crowd but the other day at dinner when my son made a joke about me not being cool it kind of stung. But then when I stood up and pulled up my sagging pants, I realized that I wore my pants all the way up to my arm-pits and my son is right. But hey these days being a nerd is a good thing right?
- I don't care! Kurt Schlichter is famous for using the twitter hashtag #caring as an indication he doesn't care. I now know how he feels there are so many things that bore me. And when conservatives make that circular firing squad I find myself echoing my father, "stop fighting already you are family" #caring.
Perhaps the most important thing I learned on my 58th birthday is that none of the above matters. I have good friends, many of whom I met via my writing, tweeting, and broadcasting. I have a 75 pound sissy lapdog, two wonderful kids and a wife I love more every day than the day before and that is more important than anything else--no matter how anything else get you down.
As bad as things seem to be in my life, here in the greatest country on God's Earth, and in my homeland ארץ ישראל, the land of Israel, I eagerly look forward to the next twelve-months, because I truly feel that its going to be a great and happy year.
Thank you all for reading!